She needed a Hero

So today is May 13th 2022 and when I went into my Facebook memories, I had a memory from six years ago today. A good friend of mine wrote on my Facebook page ( I'm quoting ) “everyone needs to write and tell their hero’s story so they can get permission to share their hero’s story with somebody else. Somebody is always watching”. Then under he posted a picture that said “she needed a hero, so that is what she became”.  I started thinking to myself, how did I become my own hero? how did I learn to save myself? Well, to survive at first.  I believe that it also came from desire for peace, serenity, for harmony.

You know, I grew up in a sense within a very dysfunctional home. My mother and father were two absolute different spectrums. My mom was extremely empathic and caring, and my father was very impulsive and indifferent.  When I think back to when I was growing up, I can honestly thank my father to this day because a lot of my drive for a better world is because of the hurt and wounds stemmed from him not knowing how to heal or how to love.  This got passed down to myself and my sisters but that darkness is what really caused me to really know my own light.  Even more so as I started down that journey being able to recognize and see that I was the light in that dark. When I started to pour into myself in that way and pour into my own light, my own divinity that's when things started to really change.

That didn't happen right away, my early years were always very dark. I was always a very sweet child and then as soon as I became a teenager it was like the darkness came with a rage and I became a product of my environment.  I had a lot of freedom and I ran with a lot of maybe dubious people, but it created so much character, street smarts for me.  When I was 15 I read the book ‘The four agreements’ that really shifted me into the knowing I could in fact become my own hero. Perhaps it was my near death experience when I was 19 years old just about to turn 20 that really changed everything for me. Hmm… maybe that's when I decided to be my own hero? It changed me , not only for myself but for my family because I began to see the destructive patterns and cycles that came with that path that I was walking.  I thought at the time that that was the only path that I could walk because it was the only path that I was born into, the only path I knew at the time.

At 20 years old I decided to leave, I felt that was the most spontaneous and different thing that I can do for myself, the best thing that I can do for myself. It provided me the space, and time to get to know me, know what I liked. Before that happened, it's like all the junk, all the negative, the darker shadow came pouring out because I remember being extremely lonely, always thinking. Angry, upset with my family because for the first time I realized how much I was the glue within the familial structures and without me, it seemed that all that glue just dissipated. There was this conflict, being brought out to me even though I was so far away. Within me there was a frustration of not being able to mend or help. Then nobody had time for me anymore? It seemed as though because I wasn't there showing up and helping, they indirectly weren’t there for me. I wasn't there to fix the problem so I started recognizing how the relationships that I kept lacked so much reciprocity,  that caused such a hurt for me. Why wouldn’t it right? Things definitely got worse, before they got better. It was during this time, through those hurts I decided that I needed to find something healthy, a healthy outlet and so that's when I discovered the art of painting.

I had tried a few different things but painting seemed to be the best one for me. It started to bring so many different blessings. I started seeing things so colourfully!  Being able to create these beautiful portraits and paintings that just brought so much joy not only to myself but to other people. I started feeling good about myself. Feeling comfortable with who I was, and really for the first time, safe. There was a safety I had built in my home, but within myself.  I had moved so much since I was little girl, I never had a very stable home so when I moved away, it was like I was being presented with this opportunity to really learn how to re parent myself. I know in reparenting that's where true healing really comes from . Reparenting is what taught me how to be my own hero.  I started to learn, and see things from different  perspectives, this is what supported me through this growth that was happening for me. This induced inner child healing worked wonders. I could forgive my parents, I could see them as human and I can learn from the mistakes and then I began integrating this new perspective… this new belief…this new way of living.

This new way was just me taking responsibility for myself, for my actions. Really doing that shadow work; like taking a look at my patterns, behaviors. What's working for me? What's not working for me ? These experiences provided me with almost this ultimatum either “step up or get out “. It was there where I really decided to step up for myself. I was that main character , that energy, that embodiment. Just taking a hard look at yourself and recognizing where am I limiting myself? Where and what should I be doing better? It was interesting because the more that I started to internally prod and do this shadow work on myself, repaired myself, nurtured myself, my body; the more I began to purge them, or in a sense begin to detox.  I physically got sick at one point in life and that caused a whole load of these manifested lessons, that just slapped me in my face. I remember thinking to myself  “OK here we go again now we get to do all this work again”  and I showed up for myself. I really embodied being my own hero. Nobody else is going to going to do that for me. I mentioned earlier that very first near death experience really provided me with just that mindset of this “I have to take responsibility, I see my responsibility”.  To see my duty to myself.  I see the role that I play in people's lives. To see the way that I contribute to the things around me and understand what I also  have to offer and why I want to be here.

I want to provide more in a sense, if I had not been there standing up for myself, saving myself. I can share with others. It allows me to rise into more of that leadership. Showing that following my heart and really quieting my mind, and going with what felt so good and so balanced allowed me to step into that role further of being my own hero and learning tools that can provide so much empowerment and enlightenment. To then be able to share with others and help them as well to just harmonize their own life, and create their own serenity as well. It's so amazing as I do this work, as I get older I found this foundation .  I needed a hero along time ago and I as I started going through these journeys and in my moments of strength, I became just that.

This is why I do the work that I do because having a daily practice with yourself, having a connection to yourself and really getting to know yourself these are ways that we learn to support ourselves. These are ways that we learn to show up for ourselves and we become these heroes for ourselves. This is how we show up!! It's so important to speak your truth and to tell your story your own hero story.

I'm so grateful for that post because it definitely reminded me of that this notion of everybody has been through something and when we can learn to gracefully speak our story, in an empowering inspiring way and ultimately gives permission for others to be able to speak their story too. It's so interesting, I’ve noticed the more that I learn to show up for myself the more I notice that whatever I feel that I'm lacking, especially externally- the minute that I start pouring into myself internally, it then dissipates as something of the past. That's the other thing that I noticed in being your own hero is just about only facing what it is that you feel you don't have ,you may lack, or is imbalanced in some way.  Not hiding from it ,not trying to distract yourself or pretend like it's not there because it will then be something that you're always going to constantly have to save yourself from. The best thing that somebody can do is really take a look at it all and recognize these thing are you. Pour into yourself .Whatever you're suffering from, you can save yourself. Even if it is out of your control, there's so many ways that we can even shift our mindset to really adapt.

I know that if somebody is insisting  they lack something or they're having trouble or they’re feeling blocked in some way, that can be shifted. That all stems back from just making that conscious choice of being your own hero. I'm so grateful that I made that choice so many years ago, back at 19 years old. I’m sure some people may start sooner but mine was at 19. I decided to take my life into my own hands and just make it the best life that I can possibly make it with also creating an impact in the world around me. I can help people create their reality, they can show up, and save themselves. This is the ultimate test to be taken, because it takes a person with a lot of will to do that. My will has been tested so many countless times. All these different trials and tribulations and I can say that I have conquered and been triumphant in that.

I learned and received a blessing from every single experience, every single challenge. I then took it upon myself to share my experiences. I learned that the more I apply that wisdom it goes out into the world. Every single person has a consciousness control of their thoughts. You're already halfway there, stepping into that role of hero. Just really think about it, who do you want to be? What does your hero look like?  Ask yourself these questions and really come up with those answers and then take those actions. Whatever we need a lot of the time we spend copious amount of time looking for it in other places, in other people. No. Whatever it is that you feel you are missing, that you are needing, you have all of it. While we can look up to others, and find heroes in other people, we need to remember that the ones who will always be there, through anything. The one who will get us to rise, when everything feels like it’s falling, that strength comes from the reflection of your hero when you look in the mirror.